Thoughts On Learning to To Love Your Postpartum Body


If swearing offends you, please considering skipping this post. I realize it is not classy, but sometimes it just has to be. Because sometimes coming against injustice and stereotypes requires fight mingled with levity to keep us sane. And to my grandmothers who read my blog: I have not lost my faith… swearing actually it helps me recover it a little more. (But I am still sorry for offending you a little bit.)

It’s real this time. There’s has been something about the 3rd (4th really for us) kid that just makes it harder to get “back” that body I had before I started creating humans. It’s amazing really, if you think about it. There you are, a normal human being and then all of a sudden your belly grows and one day, out comes ANOTHER HUMAN BEING! Holy miracle, it’s crazy.

Proverbs 31: A Modern Parody

proverbs 31

10 A satisfied woman, who can find?
She has far too many pinterest ideas than life’s timetable affords her to complete.

11 The heart of her husband wonders what she may think up next,
he will have no lack of new ideas from her.

12 She begins many good projects in their home,
all the days of his life.

13 She seeks chia and flax seed,
and creates endless smoothies in their high-powered blender.

14 She navigates Amazon like a prime queen,
bringing packages to their doorstep in just 2 days.

15 She rises while it is still night,
nursing the baby,
fumbling in exhaustion come daylight.

16 She considers a craigslist post and buys it.
With the fruit of his hands, she plans another project.

17 She dresses herself in yoga pants (everyday)
and let’s the kids dress themselves.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable;
she sells it on all the online portals.

19 She is too good for no task,
vomit, feces, phlegm, and snot have nothing on her.

20 She opens her hands to whoever is right in front of her,
and loves them as best as she can.

21 She is terrified of snowmageddon,
winters with young children are scarring even if they are dressed in red.

22 She makes her bed as often as she can,
her clothes are sometimes put away from the laundry basket.

23 Her husband is known as the one who circles the parking lot in a minivan
while she runs into just “one more store.”

24 She brews kombucha five gallons at a time,
she knows how expensive it is to purchase.

25 Afternoon homemade iced lattes are her mainstay,
she laughs as she watches videos on facebook.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom
And tells her husband how much of it she has for him.

27 She ensures grass-fed hot dogs in her refrigerator,
but eats not buns because she cannot eat grains.

28 Her children rise up (too early) and call her “MOMMY!!”
Her husband gets up instead.

29 “Many women have young children, but few re-do the bathroom, write articles, blog, meal plan, run errands, take classes, do laundry, and still have energy to think up more projects.

30 [In our society] Perfection is praised, and beauty is all that matters,
but a woman who knows she is deeply loved by God will find internal rest.

31 Give her a vacation alone to Hawaii,
and may her home be in good order and her children well-behaved when she returns.

Sexual Assault: How Understanding Myself As A Victim Released Me From Living As One

rape post

I don’t think all stories need to be told publicly. First, mine needed to be told in a therapist’s office. Lying on the couch in my living room. Crying with my husband. Fighting into my pillow. Breaking glass on a country road. But now 8 years after I finally shared my story for the first time, I am sharing mine publicly.

Because the stories need to be told. They need to be known. They need to be named. Because when someone finally gives you the gift of telling you that you have been a victim, you have the opportunity to stop living as one.

Keeping truth in the darkness destroys the soul. Darkness cannot overtake light, neither scientifically or biblically. Darkness, by definition, is only the absence of light. It therefore has no power in and of itself, it only has power when light is absent. Light is inherently more powerful than darkness.

And like in the person of Jesus: Truth and Light, they go together.

Noticing Transformational Moments: Part 2

trans mom2

The earth here is in the transformation of long-awaited spring. The sprouting of flowering bulbs in our front yard, and the early garlic, chives, and rhubarb already sprouting in the garden. It’s early for us here in the Midwest this year, but so very welcome. The hope the earth offers as it brings new life is hardly comparable. The closest thing I can find is the hope of new life when it comes true in the soul; when we are at that place when something sprouts new. Even though small, we know it is new because, often without realizing it, we know our soul-terrain  and we have lived the barrenness of its lifeless places.

Like the earth when it’s ready with warmth, light, and water to accept new life, our souls need acceptance to grow new life from the fodder of the living we do day-to-day.

After Awareness, this is the second movement of the soul in the transformational process: Acceptance.

In fact, acceptance may even be more fluid than being a “second movement”; it may be the first, middle, and last movement of every bit of transformation. Acceptance of ourselves is the fertile ground from which new life always sprouts. Acceptance, which brings a sense of love and belonging, is inherently opposed to shame, and shame is always counterproductive to transformation. As long as we live without acceptance, we will live without transformation.

This post is Part Two of four in my Noticing Transformational Moments series. It also includes an optional imaginative experience, so these movements of transformation can take that necessary journey from learning about something to knowing it deeply inside.